Hey Everyone!
Long time no speak. Apologies for the lengthy absence. I was sorting out some life stuff and figuring out how to be an adult without being beaten up too bad in life. lol
Hello! I hope you all have been well and nothing to over the top has happened.
Today I want to talk about the way that we think.
Though that doesn't seem to be the most exciting topic, I thought it was something we could all give a little bit of thought.
When I was younger, I remember I used to go to the Challenger's Boys and Girls Club on Vermont. It's such a random thing to remember but, when I was working on this piece something came to mind that I learned from this program when I was younger. The saying was "Your attitude affects your altitude." During this time I was like 8 or 9 and naturally did not truly understand what was being said, all I knew was it rhymed. However, years later thinking back to what was trying to be instilled in us I am supremely grateful. Simply put, we can go as high as our thinking can take us.
Recently, as some of you may know, the last year or so of my life has been let's say, a metaphorical representation of the excretory system. There were most definitely times when pressing forward was the last thing on my mind. I kinda just sank into a depression. For the first time, I was face to face with my demons and it was terrifying. For the first time in my life, I actually knew what it was like to be afraid. There's nothing like being back against the wall and not having the slightest clue as to how you will fight your way out.
I had to learn through some degree of trial and error to figure it out. I tried to find the answer in ways that did not exactly reflect who I am as a person. I was starting to see that I was losing myself and becoming a victim of the circumstance. I started to feel hopeless, I wouldn't eat, sleep and I slowly started to see that fire inside of me die.
After some time, I found the answer was staring me in the face. I was looking for outside sources of strength, not realizing the demons were only internal. No matter how far or fast I tried to run they were always there to welcome me back. I realize a great deal of this was rooted in things I'd bottled up and hadn't dealt with in a useful way. I was essentially fermenting and becoming this really toxic person. It was ugly af. I can only imagine I wasnt any fun to be around. Slowly, I started to isolate myself. I would spend days by myself and no one would know what was going on. The worst part is, there have always been people in my corner but, it was actually impossible to articulate what was on my mind.
As I became more intentional and mindful of the headspace I was occupying, I noticed it was just negative and my mind would race for days at a time. It honestly wasn't until Friends by J. Cole came out that I think I actually started to make a change within myself.
"But fuck that now I'm older I love you 'cause you my friend
Without the drugs I want you be comfortable in your skin
I know you so I know you still keep a lot of shit in
You running from yourself and you buying product again
I know you say it helps and no I'm not trying to offend
But I know depression and drug addiction don't blend
Reality distorts and then you get lost in the wind
And I done seen the combo take niggas off the deep end
One thing about your demons they bound to catch up one day
I'd rather see you stand up and face them than run away
I understand this message is not the coolest to say
But if you down to try it I know of a better way
Meditate"
This song actually spoke to my soul. I know that sounds dramatic but I promise I'm not being extra this time. I listened to KOD at least 10 times straight through when it dropped. I started to see changes in my thought process. I began to smile and laugh again. I think most importantly, I started to let go. I let go of people, pain and anything that wasn't conducive to encouraging a positive atmosphere in my life. It felt like I was a little kid on that bike again and it was finally time to stand up and keep it pushing.
Looking back on it all, I am beyond thankful for the experience. I learned how to spend time with myself. I learned how to find my center and most importantly, I learned how to hang on.
I am not telling this story because I am bragging. I am sharing in the hopes that despite whatever situation, whoever reads this will understand that it's okay to go through the fire. Simply put, no pressure no diamond.
Though it gets rough and situations will look ominous, it isn't the end.
Just hang on a little bit longer :)
"We don't see things as they are; we see things as we are."- Anaïs Nin
Long time no speak. Apologies for the lengthy absence. I was sorting out some life stuff and figuring out how to be an adult without being beaten up too bad in life. lol
But.
Hello! I hope you all have been well and nothing to over the top has happened.
"Delete the negative accentuate the positive" - Donna Karan
Today I want to talk about the way that we think.
Though that doesn't seem to be the most exciting topic, I thought it was something we could all give a little bit of thought.
When I was younger, I remember I used to go to the Challenger's Boys and Girls Club on Vermont. It's such a random thing to remember but, when I was working on this piece something came to mind that I learned from this program when I was younger. The saying was "Your attitude affects your altitude." During this time I was like 8 or 9 and naturally did not truly understand what was being said, all I knew was it rhymed. However, years later thinking back to what was trying to be instilled in us I am supremely grateful. Simply put, we can go as high as our thinking can take us.
Recently, as some of you may know, the last year or so of my life has been let's say, a metaphorical representation of the excretory system. There were most definitely times when pressing forward was the last thing on my mind. I kinda just sank into a depression. For the first time, I was face to face with my demons and it was terrifying. For the first time in my life, I actually knew what it was like to be afraid. There's nothing like being back against the wall and not having the slightest clue as to how you will fight your way out.
I had to learn through some degree of trial and error to figure it out. I tried to find the answer in ways that did not exactly reflect who I am as a person. I was starting to see that I was losing myself and becoming a victim of the circumstance. I started to feel hopeless, I wouldn't eat, sleep and I slowly started to see that fire inside of me die.
After some time, I found the answer was staring me in the face. I was looking for outside sources of strength, not realizing the demons were only internal. No matter how far or fast I tried to run they were always there to welcome me back. I realize a great deal of this was rooted in things I'd bottled up and hadn't dealt with in a useful way. I was essentially fermenting and becoming this really toxic person. It was ugly af. I can only imagine I wasnt any fun to be around. Slowly, I started to isolate myself. I would spend days by myself and no one would know what was going on. The worst part is, there have always been people in my corner but, it was actually impossible to articulate what was on my mind.
As I became more intentional and mindful of the headspace I was occupying, I noticed it was just negative and my mind would race for days at a time. It honestly wasn't until Friends by J. Cole came out that I think I actually started to make a change within myself.
"But fuck that now I'm older I love you 'cause you my friend
Without the drugs I want you be comfortable in your skin
I know you so I know you still keep a lot of shit in
You running from yourself and you buying product again
I know you say it helps and no I'm not trying to offend
But I know depression and drug addiction don't blend
Reality distorts and then you get lost in the wind
And I done seen the combo take niggas off the deep end
One thing about your demons they bound to catch up one day
I'd rather see you stand up and face them than run away
I understand this message is not the coolest to say
But if you down to try it I know of a better way
Meditate"
This song actually spoke to my soul. I know that sounds dramatic but I promise I'm not being extra this time. I listened to KOD at least 10 times straight through when it dropped. I started to see changes in my thought process. I began to smile and laugh again. I think most importantly, I started to let go. I let go of people, pain and anything that wasn't conducive to encouraging a positive atmosphere in my life. It felt like I was a little kid on that bike again and it was finally time to stand up and keep it pushing.
Looking back on it all, I am beyond thankful for the experience. I learned how to spend time with myself. I learned how to find my center and most importantly, I learned how to hang on.
I am not telling this story because I am bragging. I am sharing in the hopes that despite whatever situation, whoever reads this will understand that it's okay to go through the fire. Simply put, no pressure no diamond.
Though it gets rough and situations will look ominous, it isn't the end.
Just hang on a little bit longer :)
"We don't see things as they are; we see things as we are."- Anaïs Nin
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